I first heard about the therapeutic work at the Therapy Centre in the fall of 2007, after attempting suicide. I had moved in with my parents and the local pastor advised me to go to Ozd, because that would help me. By that time I did not accept that my problem was really so serious. I was sure that I could handle it. I did not touch a glass of alcohol for seven months and I was taking an anti-depression medication. By that time my family life seemed to get back to normal. Apparently… then: divorce. I ran to the glass of alcohol again and began to seriously destroy myself until October 2008. In that month I got the last push by a car accident. I was driving drunk… and hit the guard rail of a bridge. I believe even today that it was God’s will that I did not enter into the traffic of the city, because with my 2.8 level of alcohol I could have caused a much more serious accident. Then I realized that I really needed help.

I contacted the Foundation at the beginning of November 2008 and we set the first day of therapy on the 9th of December. Two weeks before arriving in Ozd I stopped drinking to get rid of the withdrawal symptoms of the alcohol and to pull myself together a bit. I was stressed, frustrated and ashamed when I arrived at the Therapy Centre. I did not trust the people expecting me there or that I would recover. I lost hope and I was afraid to face up to myself. When I arrived, I was surprised by the peaceful and homely atmosphere of the Centre and by the help of the residents already there. This approach was strange for me. It pleased and annoyed me at the same time. I wished to remain alone with my thoughts, my problems. My reaction from the outside world reached me again and I felt that I could solve my problems – nobody else should make comments about it. At such occasions my tension had grown and so I was annoyed and depressed. It also increased my tension when I was assigned to a female mentor. I thought that if my ex-wife could not understand and support me, how I could open myself to a stranger. I gave her a lot of work with this attitude and looking back I chided myself many times for this. At the beginning I tried to avoid meeting my mentor. I made up excuses just not to get to the moment when I would have to outline my life to a woman.

After I started to take my therapy more seriously and started to open up in front of the group, a new world started to unroll in front of me. I felt relieved when I talked out what was inside of me. I was no longer afraid that somebody would laugh at me. I gained back my self respect and it was nice to feel that I was not alone with my problems and everybody accepted me as I was. Nine months are needed for a child to develop before he is born, I also needed nine months to get stronger physically and in my soul. My last alcoholic years destroyed my faith too. During sixteen years of cantor service the last three passed in a cool working atmosphere with the pastor. It’s hard to remember that Sunday by Sunday at the church I was only interested in the silent prayer time – then I could honestly ask God to rescue me from my vicious circle. Then, it happened in Ozd at Easter time that during a silent prayer the same words repeatedly came to my mind: “your prayer saved you” (meaning: „your prayer was listened and God saved you – the editor). I could not imagine where I had these words from and why they were in my mind – I only felt warmth about it. Then, on the way back from the church to the Therapy Centre I remembered my prayers and supplications at home in the church. Then, whenever I went home for a short visit during the therapy program and went to that church I always remembered it. Now, I enter the doorstep of the church with raised head and I can face the congregation.

During this period I received great help from my mentor, "even though she was a woman”, and from the other therapists who supported and encouraged me. I feel that I put down the foundation-stone of a new life here in Ozd, on which I can start to build my new future. Now, my soul is equipped against the temptations, I have a vision of life, an aim, I have a bigger zest for life, I can be happy for something every day. I have another advantage compared to those (addicts) outside: I have a big family, who accept and support me. I have a place where I can come back anytime, I can put my burdens and worries down, and where I can receive help if I get stuck. I realized this at the Aftercare Conference and at the Aftercare Summer Camp at Lesu Lake.

I don’t say that I go home very happily. I would go and I wouldn’t. I go, because life is calling me, but I would also stay because here I am with my big family – I will miss you terribly. I don’t know what will fill the gap of so many friends, what will fill the gap of the morning meetings, the common meals, the trips, the football. But I can promise you one thing: the “tools” I received here I will use well. It won’t be easy, but I trust that God will be with me and will help me through the obstacles, and I shall come to Ozd with raised head to visit you.